DaddySaidSo.com

They did it again. I took my daughters in for their routine physical appointments this morning. I frequently take them to the doctor’s office for their routine stuff, but every time I do one of the staff manages to say something stupid. The common thread among their comments is the unstated assertion that I am stupid when it my own kids because I am a guy. When did testicles become a handicap?

Nothing says stupid driver faster than a pair of fake testicles on the trailer hitch.

Today’s comment - “Aubrey will be due for another appointment in 3 months. You can have your wife call us when you get home to schedule that appointment.”

Seriously!?!

I bit my tongue and held back what I really wanted to say. I wanted to say something along the lines of, “No, sometimes my wife lets me leave the house with both my balls and my brain and lucky for us, today just happens to be one of those days.” Instead I politely responded, “That won’t be necessary, Thank you. I can schedule it now.” Adding insult to injury was the fact that this kid was maybe 19 and probably not even a parent herself.

On previous visits I’ve had the clinic nurse instruct me on how to hold my child so that I could console her when she began crying (after the shots), and 3 or 4 visits ago, the receptionist used my all time favorite back-handed compliment “Oh how nice. Daddy is baby sitting today.” I didn’t bite my tongue that time. My knee jerk response escaped my lips before I could stop it. I replied, “Please explain to me how the hell you babysit your own kids.”

So, to the ladies of the world, please don’t assume that dads are stupid when it comes to their own kids, and we won’t assume that you can’t teach junior how to throw a four-seam fastball.

To paraphrase an overused cliche - There’s a right way, a wrong way and then there’s Daddy’s way.

What is Daddy’s way? This might best be illustrated with an example. Last week I was getting McKenna ready for gymnastics. I was of course running late, and I still needed to do her hair. I ran around and looked in all the usual places, but for the life of me, I could not find her comb or hair brush. So what did I do? I did it Daddy’s way. I plopped her butt up on the kitchen counter, opened up the silverware drawer and proceeded to comb her hair with a fork. Yup, a fork! And you know what? We made it to gymnastics on time.

Here’s another example…last weekend we celebrated McKenna’s birthday and had a small party in the backyard. When it came time to light the candles on the cake, I watched my wife click the lighter a few dozen times only to watch the wind blow it out over and over again. So what did I do? I did it Daddy’s way. (See below)

Now, there are many things that I do Daddy’s way, and there are a few reasons why I do them. First and foremost, my mind is a little off and I tend to look at things a little askew. Second, the shock value. Part of the fun of being a daddy is screwing with your wife and kids’ minds a little. The more whacked they think I am, the better. Lastly, I like to do things my own way at home to subtly exert a little control in the domestic sphere. Sure, I know my wife is a domestic goddess and I know that she runs the show for the most part, but if I consider a soft serve ice cream cone an acceptable lunch from time to time, so be it. That’s just Daddy’s way.

So, to all the daddies out there, keep doing things your own way. And let the rest of us know what it is that you do that makes your kids roll their eyes.

Sure, McKenna likes her share of crappy kid songs, but she also genuinely has great taste in real music.  Here are just ten reasons why my kid is so cool:

McKenna’s Playlist (Her most often requested songs when we are driving in the car.)

Vampire Weekend - “I Stand Corrected”

Jack Johnson - “Bubble Toes”, but honestly, any Jack Johnson will do.

Talking Heads - “Psycho Killer”

Flobots - “Handlebars”

TV on the Radio - “Wolf Like Me”

Foo Fighters - “The Pretender”

The Killers - “Jenny was a Friend of Mine”

Death Cab for Cutie - “I Will Follow You into the Dark”

Jack White and Alicia Keys - “Another Way to Die”

Howard Jones -”Things Could Only Get Better”

What do your kids like?