A father's transition from career man to Daddy.

Reflections on Fatherhood

That's My Daughter

Those of you who know me well would have fully expected, and those of you who know me at all might have guessed, that my first blog entry would in some way be about my daughter. My wife teases me constantly about being like the guy on the commercial who eagerly pulls out his wallet and unfurls a six foot long accordion of wallet-sized pictures of his kids. Making matters worse, he’s standing at a urinal talking to a complete stranger. I half-heartedly protest and point out that I don’t have a single picture of her in my wallet; they’re all on my cell phone and on my iPod. Not to mention the fact that I would never accost someone in the Men’s room - mainly out of fear that my delicate electronics might get wet while I’m getting pummeled. Oh, and while we’re on the topic - I do not have a wide stance and I have never been to the Minneapolis airport.

So, after nearly 16 months, what have I gleaned about fatherhood? I think that question is best answered by examples.

Tonight I was hanging out with McKenna and I was amazed by her capacity for love and affection. She was playing by herself and carrying on jargon conversations with her stuffed monkey and pig. Then she suddenly stopped, pulled the monkey in tight to her neck, cuddled and softly and sweetly said, “Ohhhhh.” When I joined in with my own “Ohhhhh,” she got up without any prompting, walked over to me, and gave me big drool-soaked kiss, holding both sides of my face for good measure.

I thought about a story I had heard recently on This American Life in a segment called Unconditional Love. When John Watson was the president of the American Psychological Association (APA), he said “When you are tempted to pet your child, remember that mother love is a dangerous instrument.” He cautioned parents not to “over-kiss” their children lest they psychologically ruin them. By the way - the threshold for “adequate kissing” versus “over-kissing” was more than once per year. Sorry McKenna, but by 1950s standards, you’re going be one screwed up little kid.

Aside from just the cute factor, I watch, and participate in these spontaneous demonstrations of love with intense joy and satisfaction. I’m watching my little girl learn. I hope this is the product of her carefully observing how my wife and I act. I hope that the way we affectionately play with her is somehow “sticking”. But more than anything I suspect what I am observing is the genesis of her developing empathy.

And that’s just one of today’s examples. They say that heroin is so addictive because once the addict has experienced that euphoric high, they cannot conceive of existence without it and crave it constantly. Well, for me fatherhood is kind of the same thing. Now that I’m a “Daddy” I cannot imagine not being one.

So, the next time I greet you in the bathroom with my cell phone, show you the newest slideshow I just made for my iPod, or send you 17 different pictures of the same kid, take pity on me and realize that there are worse things I could be addicted to.